


Keep You With Me

by TheButterflySings



Series: Keep You With Me [1]
Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Blink And You'll Miss it SilverHawk, Fluffy, Insecure Bucky, WinterHawk Friendship, angsty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-14
Updated: 2016-07-14
Packaged: 2018-07-23 23:08:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,672
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7483608
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheButterflySings/pseuds/TheButterflySings





	Keep You With Me

It had made sense in the 1940's. Homophobia, sexism, the judgment and the harshness. Keeping things quiet had made sense then. It had been /Bucky's/ idea to keep things so quiet back then. Bucky had been the one making sure, every single time, that there was no way anyone would walk in on them or see them doing anything or even have any reason to /suspect/. But back then, hiding things, keeping the secret had made sense.

It was 2016. People weren't quite as judgey. Homophobia was still a problem, but not as big of one as it had been once upon a time. Gay marriage was legal around the country now. So now? Now, Bucky wasn't quite so sure why it had to be a secret. Why his boyfriend insisted on hiding the kisses and only having sex when they knew no one would hear, never holding hands or doing anything more than friendly hugs around their friends. And okay, he wasn't really the PDA type, either, but when Steve point blank refused to tell their /team/ that they were dating (again, technically, though they'd never really broken up), Bucky started to have his doubts about things.

Clint-- who Bucky had struck up a fast friendship with upon moving into Avenger's Tower-- was the first person to hear any of Bucky's concerns. They were in the vents-- because that was where Clint could usually be found, and Clint didn't have his hearing aids in, so Bucky was signing as best as he could, and for what he didn't know, was speaking as slowly as he could so Clint could read the words as they formed on his lips. He finally gave up signing and just talked, and Clint, who was used to such things, just watched his mouth and seemed to understand exactly what he was saying.

"You think Steve's ashamed of you," Clint finally summarized as he played with the shaft of an arrow that he'd brought into the vents with him for some reason. He didn't sound like he was judging. He didn't sound like he thought Bucky was being stupidly insecure about it. That was one of the things Bucky liked about Clint. For someone who couldn't hear without the use of technology, he was the best listener in the house, except maybe Bruce. He was also snarky and sarcastic and very, very rarely revealed what he was feeling or thinking, but he was smart and gave good advice, so Bucky talked to him like he only ever talked to Steve. He was the only person in the house that Bucky had outright told that he and Steve were dating. The hawk, despite his taunting, really didn't seem to give a shit.

"Yeah," Bucky admitted without saying anything more. 

Clint nodded and looked away for a long moment, so Bucky made himself not say anything else about it. Not until Clint would know what he was saying. It took a few long seconds, but Bucky was almost glad for that. Clint was actually thinking it through. "I can see why you think it," the archer finally admitted. "But I know Steve, and that doesn't seem to be his style. Steve's a good guy. I don't think that's what this is about. I couldn't tell you what it is about, though. Look at you, Bucky. You're his best friend, you're brave as hell, you're smarter than anyone gives you credit for, and you're attractive enough that the devil cries in envy. He's got nothing to be ashamed of."

Bucky felt like he probably should have blushed. Steve was the only one who'd ever complimented him like that. But he knew Clint wasn't saying it to hit on him, so much as he was saying it to make a point-- Clint wasn't interested in Bucky, not like that. Bucky had asked him once, before he knew the archer, because he was unsure of the way Clint spoke to him and complimented him. But Clint had told him, quietly and sadly, that he'd fallen in love in Sokovia, only to see the boy, who he described as angelically beautiful and devilishly mischievous, die in front of him, and he wasn't ready to fall in love again. And Bucky understood that, was glad that things wouldn't get awkward with Clint. And he wanted to know more about the boy, but he couldn't bring himself to ask.

"You don't think he's ashamed of..." Bucky trailed off and held up his metal arm with a small sigh. He hated the damn thing more than he could ever express. The small smile on Clint's face told Bucky that he got it.

"No. I don't," Clint answered firmly. "But I do think you need to go talk to him. He's the only one that can really straighten this out for you."

He was right and Bucky couldn't argue. So he thanked the man and then proceeded to leave him alone in the vents, making his way to Steve's room-- the room he often snuck into at night. Steve was sitting cross-legged on the bed with his sketchbook in his lap, drawing like he didn't have a care in the world. The image made Bucky smile. It reminded him of when they were in the 40's-- even if Steve was twice the size and a whole lot more well-known.

"Steve, can we talk about something?" Bucky asked, and Steve glanced up.

"That doesn't sound good," the captain muttered, closing his sketchbook and setting it on the bed beside him. "But... I mean, yeah. What's wrong?"

"I told Clint." 

Several emotions splayed across Steve's force before he finally settled on something bordering on disappointment. "You told Clint about us? I told you I didn't want anyone to know."

"I told Clint because--" Bucky didn't know how to phrase it. Struggling for words, he finally spat out, "Because I needed someone to know. I needed it to feel real. Clint doesn't care-- of course he doesn't, why would he, his soulmate was also a man, but you're so hellbent on not telling anyone that it's-- well, I don't understand it. It's not the 1940's, Steve, it's not like that anymore, and I know you're... scared? Or maybe not, I guess I'm not as sure of who you are as I used to be. I didn't think... I get why we had to hide it then, but I don't get it now. Are you... Ashamed to be dating me?" Bucky's voice broke on the words and he had to look down.

He didn't let himself feel much, but when it came to Steve, he felt far too much. He loved this boy, with every fiber of his being. Steve was like a beacon of hope, had always been. He was beautiful and smart and perfect, better than Bucky knew he deserved, but he didn't care if he didn't deserve it. He was selfish, he was greedy. He wanted Steve, wanted and needed him like he needed oxygen. And the thought that Steve was ashamed to be with him hit like a knife through the heart. He would deserve that, the things he'd done, the person he'd been, but he couldn't make it hurt less than it did.

"That's not it at all," Steve mumbled, a frown on his face. "I'm not-- I've never been ashamed of you, never, Buck, god damn. You're-- I mean, look at you. I've always /needed/ you, I've always looked up to and relied on you. How could I ever be ashamed of you?"

"Then why--"

"Because everyone in the world knows who we are. Captain America and the Winter Soldier. And okay. Whatever. America's Golden Boy is in love with the man who brings the winter, and they won't be okay with that, but that's not why. That's not even..." Steve approached Bucky slowly, the way one would approach a wounded animal. His hands came up and he took Bucky's face in between them, his thumbs stroking along the skin softly. "God, I hate seeing you like this. I remember when you used to have to reassure me that I was good enough for you. Never thought the tables would turn. I haven't told anyone because, with our lives as on display as they are all the time, I just want you to myself for a little while."

It took Bucky's breath away. And really-- That made more sense. He could understand that. It actually made his heart beat faster, made him fall even more in love with the man he'd always loved most. But. 

"I get that, Steve," Bucky assured his boyfriend quietly. "And trust me, I don't want to take that away from you. But... you know me. I don't keep secrets. And I'm jealous. So when I see Stark and Sharon and everyone else flirting with you, can you blame me for wanting to show them that you're mine?"

"I guess I'd never thought of it that way," Steve replied softly. He leaned close and pressed his lips to Bucky's deeply, lovingly, and all Bucky's anxiety and insecurities melted away. "We can tell them," he breathed against Bucky's lips. "We can tell them. I'm yours, Bucky. I've never been anyone else's, and I never will be as long as I live and breathe."

Clint would probably laugh at him when Bucky told him later. Because, honestly, Bucky shouldn't have been so insecure, and Clint was right about that. But Bucky didn't care. He took pride in rubbing it in Tony's face when they finally told the team that they were dating. And he pretended that he didn't see Sam hand Natasha a twenty, like they'd been taking bets. Maybe they'd all already known. Maybe Bucky and Steve had been oblivious to that. Bucky would chose to remain oblivious about all the betting that had happened.

Though if Stark asked one more question about their sex life, he was probably not going to regret punching him in the face with a metal hand.


End file.
